Rusty's Summer Vacation

Being the overly-ambitious student that I am, I have decided to prepare my first school assignment, the obligatory “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” essay. I want to get it out of the way while the subject matter is still fresh on my mind, and also because I twisted my ankle yesterday while practicing some pretty wild disco moves, so I might as well write a paper since I’m not allowed to be up and around for the next couple of days. So instead of selling lemonade for a nickel today, fully undercutting the other kids down the block who are still trying to sell the stuff for a dime, I present to you my essay entitled:


My summer started off as any kids might, with the traditional trip to Sears to pick up a pair of new swim trunks to begin the first of many days lounging by the pool with my friends. I was fortunate enough to find a great deal on a pair of polyester, double-knit, reversible surfing shorts. They are both rugged and practical, which is a plus when you do as much pool-lounging as I do. And as luck would have it, they are the exact same print as my favorite leisure suit, because I feel that fashion shouldn’t stop simply because you can’t wear a great butterfly-collar shirt.

I spent a good portion of the past two months doing what anyone would that had time off from school and a piggybank full of pennies: I bought candy, and lots of it. But what I want to focus on with this essay is two trips I was able to go on. They were pretty fantastic.

My first trip involved spending a week up at a lake cabin with my Uncle Ricky and Aunt Judie. They have a great little cabin near a boat dock, so in-between torturing the bears in the woods we would take many canoe rides up and down the river. It was really pretty, but I kept wanting them to paddle faster. “Faster, faster!” I would yell, since canoeing is at it’s most exciting when the wind is whipping your hair around and you feel that danger awaits around every bend. Perhaps the wind was already blowing pretty heavily, because they didn’t seem to hear my request. But overall, we had a great time.

Uncle Ricky and Aunt Judie are the best, and they said I could bring a friend with me, so of course I brought my best bud, LilPhil, along. He was really excited because it was his first time in a boat. The picture above was taken during one of our many rides, and that’s pretty much how LilPhil looked the entire time. He was just happy to be there, and Aunt Judie has a pretty good rowing arm too. I think she played volleyball in college. Uncle Ricky had just gotten some hair transplants and was really enjoying the new active lifestyle that his hair now affords him. He looks great, and now he’s thinking about finally taking up skydiving.

After we got back, I spent the next week in Vacation Bible School, which was really cool because they still let me wear my great new swim trunks. In-between all the Bible classes (which focused on a pretty harrowing story of Daniel in a den of lions and was pretty suspenseful because they really drew it out and made us wait to find out if he was going to make it or not) we made some great arts and crafts projects. I won first place with my macaroni recreation of the fiery furnace, and just missed being able to regain my title again this year in the sword-drill. For the record, I really need to brush up on where Habakkuk and Nehemiah are in the Bible. But overall it was a great time and I was glad to be able to hang out with some of my friends outside of the strict confines of school.

My second big trip was a weeklong stay at my Uncle Rufus’ ranch. He’s a real cowboy and a pretty cool guy. He gets to wear chaps all the time and I think I like that. I’ve been thinking about being a cowboy, because if I could just wear chaps… well, I think chaps would look great with my suit. LilPhil also went with me on this trip. It was his first time to stay on a ranch and he particularly enjoyed seeing the horses. Wait, hang on, I think he wants to say something about the horses…

LilPhil: Horses are really cool. I got to touch one and it didn’t even mind. Horses have really big teeth and I bet they could wrestle a lion and win if they really wanted to. And when I grow up I’m gonna have a bunch of horses, so then my friends can come over and they’ll all say “Hey, you sure have a bunch of horses!” And then I’ll just nod and say, “And they have big teeth!” Then we’ll all go riding on the horses and rope cattle and stuff. Cattle are pretty cool too, but not as cool as horses, so that’s why we have to rope them.

As you can tell, LilPhil was really excited about getting to see the horses. But we got to do lots of other neat things too. Our first night there, Uncle Rufus made a campfire and we cooked beans and coffee over the campfire. Actually beans and coffee is all we had the whole week, but somehow when you’re eating it at a campfire you don’t mind. He gave us each our own cowboy hat and said that we could be honorary cowboys while we were there that week, and then he told us to go bale some hay. It was a great time!

So as you can see, I had a really fun summer. I know that going back to school isn’t going to be quite as exciting as canoeing and touching horses, but maybe if they let me wear chaps to class it will be the next best thing. I hope you enjoyed my paper on what I did during my summer vacation. Thank you.