Rusty Answers Your Questions

Q: Can Rusty eat his own weight in candy?
A: I wish that a simple answer for this question existed. If we were to be more specific and ask if it were candy corn, then the answer would probably have to be a resounding “probably, and I’ll get right on that.” However, if we were instead to substitute gummi bears into the equation (or really any kind of gummis) then the “no” answer would be thrown at you, often violently but definitely repeatedly.

Q: Reason robust rusty retains retrogress rockets?
A: First off, bonus points are in order for the exquisite use of alliteration in the above sentence. So in the spirit of the question, here is my alliterative answer: Right! Radical rationing rails red rings regularly.

Q: Who does Rusty like better, the Colorado Avalanche or the Detroit Red Wings?
A: Why do I get the feeling that regardless of how I answer a question of this nature, I’ll just end up with a puck flying straight towards my forehead? If I had to pick one, which I don’t, then I would probably just choose somewhere in the middle and say the St. Louis Blues (although somehow I feel that that answer will only stir up more trouble). What about the Sharks? The Predators? Oh, don’t make me choose! Can’t we all just get along, joined arm in arm skating across this great land of ours (and on into Canada, for our Northern Brothers)?

Q: What’s in your back pocket?
A: Right now? Wait, hang on a second… Ok, got it. Ummm, it looks like today my back pocket is enjoying several things worth noting: one is a rookie card for David Robinson that I keep around to commemorate a most excellent stretch of NBA history (Rusty brushes away a tear, realizing that things will never be the same in San Antonio); a wad of chewing gum, already chewed, and now back in its wrapper; not one, not two, but three different receipts chronicling his recent purchases of chocolate from the local convenience store; and no pocket would be complete without a slingshot, but since there isn’t one there this does not bode well for ole Rusty.

Q: Given your affinity for different kinds of candy, I was wondering have you ever enjoyed Swedish Fish?
A: Ok, perhaps I misspoke earlier when I publicly rejected all forms of gummi foods. Swedish Fish, although not my favorite candy, are definitely the way to go with gummis.

Q: Who do you think the greatest rock band in the world is?
A: Ahhh, excellent question. Of course, as everyone is well aware, the greatest rock band in the entire world (and perhaps beyond) is none other than the Bee Gees. Why just the other night I was just rocking out to the soundtrack for Saturday Night Fever. I was grooving along quite well in my double-knit, polyester suit. And since I don’t actually have disco lights installed in my room (although it is at the top of my Christmas wish list) I was able to talk my dog, also named Rusty, into flicking the lights on and off for me in a disco-like manner. He was pleased with my strutting and at one point exclaimed “Excellent show, my dear boy! I do believe that’s the crackingest jive that these weary eyes have witnessed in quite some years.” I just winked at him and kept up the grooving.

Q: Do you eat a lot of carrots to make your hair so red?
A: Carrots, eh? Well, one might think so, but you might actually be surprised to learn that my hair is naturally this color. Impossible, you say? Perhaps, but I can attest to the fact that at no point in my life have I every subjected my hair to any color enhancers, be they dyes, carrot juices, Hair Club For Men treatments, that tanning crème that makes your skin orange, or even high quality house paints. No, it’s all natural, I’m glad to report.

Q: Do you like Red Vines licorice?
A: I haven’t had those. Can you send me some? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please… (Ed. Note: At this point, Rusty just kept jumping up and down saying “Please” over and over again. We’re glad that he has learned to say “please” and “thank you” so readily, but to be quite honest, we’re a little concerned with his sugar intake lately. He’s been pretty fidgety at school too, and I’m afraid that all of these questions on candy aren’t really helping him out too much.)

Q: Are you ever going to clean up this room? (This question was submitted by Rusty’s mother.)
A: Can’t I do it after this TV show is over?
Mom: No, I told you to clean it up.
Rusty: But…
Mom: No buts, you just march right in there and get to cleaning. I don’t want you to stop until all of those records are picked up off the floor, and all of your polyester pants are hanging up neatly in the closet.

Q: What question do you want us to ask you?
A: Preferably something more along the lines of “What is the tallest building in Montana?” Well, as luck would have it, I happen to know the answer to that, which is the First Interstate Tower in Billings, MT. Unfortunately, because it’s only 20 stories tall this is still quite a bit shorter than the Sears Tower, which is an impressive 110 stories. No offense to Montana, but come on, let’s build some taller stuff!